THE CAST AND CREW

THE KIDS

(all under 4) 

FIDGET: Eldest Female. Named as such because she can never, ever sit still. Ever. Especially when I'm trying to do something to do her hair. 

PATIENT ZERO: Youngest Female. She bought home The Plague from school and gave it to every single person in the household, family and staff. There are more than 20 of us. 

TWOTOYS: Eldest (and only) Male. Always negotiating up to two toys wherever we go anywhere. 

THE FAMILY

BIG BOSS LADY: Mum. 

BIG BOSS MAN: Dad. 

THE NANNIES

JHEN: Spells my name with a superfluous H. Is lovely. Clearly loves her job. 

ANGEL: Responsible for PATIENT ZERO. Works about twice the hours of everyone else because PZ is...challenging. 

BOB: Has bob cut. 

THE OTHER STAFF

HOUSEKEEPER N: The upstairs housekeeper. From Eritrea. Has two young children living in Ethopia and hasn't seen them in years due to the war. Her husband lives locally. 

HOUSEKEEPER S: From the Philippines. Has several children in the Philipines who she sends money to each month. 

MO: Lovely young maid who is extremely diligent and reminds me of Mo the Cleaning Bot in WALL-E. Filipino. 

JOY: I've never seen her smile. Not once. Filipino. 

KNIVES: The Chef. Doesn't appear to like anyone. Makes good cake. From India. 

JEEVES: Butler #1. Filipino. Looks super cute when he puts on his waistcoat for guests. Probably only understands about 20% of what I say, but pretends otherwise. 

MOO: Butler #2 since the actual Butler #2 left, and kitchen assistant. Has several prolapsed disks in his back, bless him. Young, from India where his pregnant wife still lives. When I was first introduced to him, I misheard his name as "Moo". 

JESTER: Driver #1. Is teaching me Arabic. Speaks perhaps 50 words of English. One of these is "shit". Thinks he's hilarious. Is actually hilarious. From Sudan. 

SMILEY: Driver #2. I've never seen him smile either. From Sudan. 

HANDSHAKE: Driver #3. Immediately earned my respect by looking me full in the face and shaking my hand very firmly upon introduction. Speaks no English but insists on talking to me anyway. He's lovely. I think also from Sudan, but I'm not sure. 

WELCOME: Security Guard. There's loads of security but this is the one I see the most, he always opens the gates for me when he sees me coming. I give him cake, so he's now my friend.